Classic sitcom Seinfeld is definitely the farthest thing from a horror movie. While Jerry Seinfeld and his pals get irritated by tiny things every day, they’re not exactly terrified of leaving their apartment buildings and they don’t think that anyone is following them around.
However, this cast of characters would be entertaining if they starred in a scary movie because they worry so much about life that they would have some hilarious responses to the terror around them. Some would make it, others would die bloody, and the tone would be funny, campy, and just a little scary.
Heidi Swedberg’s character Susan died before she and George could tie the knot, and no one was a huge fan of her. She’s a difficult person who doesn’t seem suited to George and she doesn’t get along with the others.
Susan would definitely be the first to die if the Seinfeld characters were in a horror movie. After all, the way that she dies (by licking an envelope) is already like something out of a scary film. Perhaps the killer would plant another deadly object in her apartment. This scene would likely be black-humored and shocking.
There are many great Seinfeld episodes featuring George, but it doesn’t seem like Jason Alexander’s character would do very well in a horror movie.
George is neurotic, nervous, and thinks that everyone is always out to get him. In this case, he would be right, and he would become more and more paranoid as the story went on. He might mistake the killer for a co-worker or friend or even someone he used to date, and the scene would be hilarious… until it wasn’t.
Newman (Wayne Knight) is another Seinfeld character who has a low chance for survival in a horror movie. His demise might come as he was delivering mail or perhaps taking a break in between deliveries (since Seinfeld fans know that Newman isn’t the most dedicated mail carrier out there).
Newman would get angry right away and then get flustered and have no idea how to fight back, and he would sadly meet his end.
George’s mom Estelle (Estelle Harris) would also be fairly likely to die as she’s skittish all the time. She’s the kind of person who is scared of her own shadow and jumps even when there’s no threat at all.
Estelle would yell at the killer and probably start insulting them, which would make for a funny moment, and then things would become terrifying. Unlike her son’s friends, Estelle wouldn’t have the quick wit necessary to get away.
Jerry’s dad Morty (Barney Martin) isn’t a particularly sunny or optimistic person. He doesn’t like the way that other people do things, and he always has a comment ready. Everything from a doctor’s office to a neighbor’s pen is fair game for complaining.
Morty wouldn’t fare that well in a horror story as he would be suspicious of a weird person hanging around. He wouldn’t run away quick enough and he wouldn’t really register the threat of death.
Jerry’s mom Helen (Liz Sheridan) can think on her feet better than her husband and would probably make it until the end. If she did get killed, it would be in the third act of the movie.
Helen might escape because she would be thinking about a friend she wanted to call or something that she had to take care of, and she would get a lucky break. The killer might be confused by how calm and chill she seems about the whole situation, and that might be enough for her to get far enough away from them.
George’s dad Frank (Jerry Stiller) is hilarious and brings a lot of good energy to the show. While he does have his moments when he whines and complains, he’s spirited and passionate and that makes him popular.
Frank would definitely know how to handle himself in a scary situation. He would have a big speech ready for the killer or whoever was threatening him, and he would tell them off before managing to get away. He also has a mind for business ideas, as he’s often sharing things that he invented in the past, so he’d be resourceful in a confrontation scenario.
While Jerry Seinfeld’s character had some problems, the sitcom is still all about him, and it’s hard not to find him at least a tiny bit charming.
It’s also difficult not to picture Jerry surviving a horror movie. He would have his own interpretation of the events afterward and it would become material for his next stand-up show. While he can be a bit too sensitive, he also seems to work out and take care of himself, so he’d likely be able to stand up to a serial killer. He has both the strength and the brainpower to survive.
The others can be mean to Elaine and the popular character, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, takes it all in stride. She’s got a phenomenal, unique sense of humor and she’s very self-sufficient.
It’s definitely easy to see Elaine making it to the end of a scary movie. After all, she’s the kind of person who dumps a guy for not using an exclamation mark, so she would take that confidence, passion and determination and apply it to saving her own life.
Cosmo Kramer has done some terrible things and the character, played by Michael Richards, isn’t always the most popular.
But even so, Kramer would be the Seinfeld character most likely to survive in a horror movie. His mind goes a mile a minute and he also has a lot of physical strength, as fans often note his physical comedy in most episodes. He would have a hilarious scene with the killer where he would hide in weird places and contort his body into strange positions, and he would be alive by the end of the movie. And he would definitely be proud of himself for making it through.