Seinfeld: 5 Characters We Want On Our Team In A Zombie Apocalypse (& 5 We Don’t)
The characters of Seinfeld are neurotic over the most mundane things, so imagine how Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer would react to zombies.
Since the characters on Seinfeld freak out about the smallest things, from a boring conversation at a party to people’s speech patterns, it makes sense that some would do fare than others if there was a zombie apocalypse. These aren’t exactly people who can cope well with everyday life as everything from work to dating to eating dinner can be tricky. Jerry doesn’t even want people to know that he loves Melrose Place, so would he really do well if he was up against a bunch of zombies?
Some modern sitcoms are just as funny and smart as Seinfeld but this show will always be a classic. Would Elaine and the rest of the gang survive, and how would Jerry’s other friends and family members do?
Want: Elaine Benes
Julia Louis-Dreyfus is truly hilarious as Elaine, Jerry’s ex-girlfriend/good friend with countless funny scenes.
Elaine would be perfect in a zombie apocalypse. While she’s just as neurotic and hyper as her friends, she has a maturity that they don’t — for the most part — and that would work well here. She’s used to working hard and holds down impressive jobs in the publishing world, so it seems like she could easily be in charge of a group of people trying to deal with the new normal. Elaine’s also used to things not going her way so it seems like she could cope pretty well.
Wouldn’t: Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry dates many people on the sitcom and things don’t tend to work out for him, probably because he’s used to being on his own and he likes things a certain way.
Because Jerry is easily frustrated, he would be terrible company if zombies were attacking New York City. He would stop to do a bit about what was going on and instead of laughing, the people around him would be running around screaming, telling him to be serious. He would also get scared pretty fast and would keep saying that he didn’t understand zombies.
Want: Frank Costanza
George’s father Frank (Jerry Stiller) is a hyper man who loves to yell and talk about bras, which he does on a pretty frequent basis. He comes up with a bra for men called “the Bro” (but he likes another name) that definitely got fans laughing.
Frank would be pretty handy during a zombie outbreak as he doesn’t scare easily. He’s tough and would give the zombies a piece of his mind. While his method of survival might be strange, it would likely work.
Wouldn’t: George Costanza
George’s behavior hasn’t totally aged well and this character, played by Jason Alexander, would do really poorly in a zombie apocalypse.
From running screaming into a pack of zombies to exclaiming that he didn’t know how to survive, George would be zombie chow in two seconds flat. He would trust the wrong people and get caught up in a bad plan with a lot of flaws and he just wouldn’t be savvy enough to make it.
Want: Helen Seinfeld
Jerry’s mother Helen (Liz Sheridan) is more practical than the other characters on the show. This would make her a good person to have around if zombies cropped up in NYC.
Helen loves Jerry so much — sometimes too much — and she might put too much stock in what her son was doing to survive the outbreak. Since he wouldn’t be great during this time, Helen would quickly realize that she could only trust herself and she would create her own plan, ensuring the safety of herself and her family.
Wouldn’t: Susan Ross
If someone dies after licking an envelope that is toxic, it’s not exactly their fault, and yet Seinfeld fans wouldn’t exactly trust Heidi Swedberg’s character if zombies were around.
Susan is a real drag of a person, and zombies would likely get her pretty quickly. She would spend her time rolling her eyes and declaring that it wasn’t that big of a deal, only to promptly meet her demise.
Want: Newman
Kramer and Newman (Wayne Knight) can both be annoying neighbors for Jerry, but Newman would really come to life in a zombie apocalypse.
He’s used to hoarding people’s mail and he could do the same with food and other helpful things. He would also become friends with everyone around him as he’s a bit desperate for people to like him — Jerry notwithstanding. Kramer and Newman also scheme a lot and that would be a great thing because creative outside-the-box thinking is the only way to get through a zombie apocalypse.
Wouldn’t: Estelle Costanza
George’s mother Estelle (Estelle Harris) would drive everyone pretty crazy. Even her own son and husband find her a little trying to deal with sometimes — okay, all of the time.
Estelle shrieks a lot and that would make her an incredibly easy target for the zombies, who would hear and spot her right away. She doesn’t seem like a very calm, peaceful person and if she found herself surrounded by a pack of zombies, it just wouldn’t be her lucky day.
Want: Kramer
Kramer (Michael Richards) is exactly the kind of person that would be amazing on a zombie fighting team.
It’s true that the character can be a jerk, but his tough personality would be a good thing here. He wouldn’t show the zombies any mercy at all and he would have a unique way of dealing with the new situation everyone found themselves in. Everyone would be impressed by his brilliance and would want to stick close to him.
Don’t Want: Morty Seinfeld
Jerry’s father Morty (Barney Martin) can’t even handle sitting in a doctor’s office so it’s hard to imagine him surviving the zombie apocalypse.
Morty and his wife Helen are too funny and that’s mostly because Morty is a master complainer. He would give up pretty quickly when faced with a horde of zombies, and ultimately wouldn’t be able to survive.
